Piranha 3DD

Logline: After the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark.

Cast: Ving Rhames, David Hasselhoff, Christopher Lloyd, Gary Busey, Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush

Directed by: John Gulager

As promised, here is my review of the sequel to the HIM acclaimed Piranha 3D that I reviewed as my Throwback Thursday special in which you can view here.

Summary

The town of Victoria Lake is deserted. No one wants to live there with the bad memories of last summer haunting them. This journey takes place in a new town, not so far from the site of the notorious massacre.

The films protag, Maddy, comes back from school for the summer to find that her step-father has opened up a waterpark which has an "adult pool" section - the first stripper swimming pool ever. The park is opening soon, and by God, wouldn't you know it... piranha eggs have been sighted and Gary Busey has been killed.

The piranhas are very smart this time around - and due to Christopher Lloyd's huge knowledge on their history, he deems it scientifically possible for these piranhas to chew through walls and that they have a high possibility of following streams of chlorine. New waterpark opening - piranhas attracted to chlorine - UH OH.

Review

As you've read in my Throwback Thursday review of this film's predecessor, I really enjoyed its ability to controllably switch through genres without overdoing it. I also admired that it never took itself seriously.

Piranha 3DD tells you right from its trailer that it doesn't take itself seriously either. I knew that before I even pressed play. So, I wasn't expecting much. That being said, I was expecting not to waste 1h and 22mins of my life. Which, I didn't totally. I'd say I only wasted about 1h and 10mins, give or take a few. God was this disappointing. I knew when this film got rushed to theatres and was barely advertised that the creators didn't take their time. I gave it a try anyways, just to see if it'd generate some laughs.

It's so bad I can't even begin to brainstorm reasons as to why any studio would read the script for this and agree to greenlight it. There is literally a part where a girl has a piranha go up her vagina, stay there for a day, and come out during sexual intercourse to bite off a male's penis. LITERALLY. When I said I enjoyed how Piranha 3D didn't take itself seriously, I also should have said that it wasn't totally over the top ridiculous. Maybe some parts were, but never so glaringly obvious.

There were only 2 things I enjoyed about this movie - saving me 10 minutes of my life.

1) Every scene Ving Rhames is in - the guy has titanium legs with shotguns attached to them.

and

2) David Hasselhoff's cameo is pretty funny.

Neither of them are in it much, unfortunately.

Topic of the Day

DO NOT RUSH A SEQUEL WHILE THE ORIGINAL IS STILL HOT JUST TO GET MONEY - IT DOESN'T WORK.

I can't elaborate on today's topic.

Piranha 3D has made $83.1 mill.

Piranha 3DD  has made $0.4 mill.

Absolute bomb and a waste of $20 million. If only they took their time & seriously thought of something decent to follow up the original.

Consensus

According to my rating system, a complete waste of time is rated as 2. This is exactly what the movie deserves. However, due to Ving Rhames and David Hasselhoff - I'm going to be a bit more generous because they both had some pretty awesome scenes. Find the clips on youtube if you want, I don't suggest suffering through the movie to get to them.

2.5/10